Friday, January 18, 2013

An Open Letter To John Green

Authors Note: This entry was originally written in January 2012 directly following my completion of John Green's, A Fault In Our Stars.

Dear John,

I have recently read The Fault In Our Stars and I would like to as many have before me, thank you for writing it. Augustus and Hazel are truly a gift to everyone who reads about their adventures. I will from now on always believe in something with a capital ‘S’.

My mother passed away from a long battle with Lupus 14 years ago. Much like Hazel she concerned herself with living for her family. She hung on and fought through the rough times so that my father, my sister, and I could have semi-normal lives while she was ill. Yes, we did have those long talks about what might happen after she went but until she actually passed she worked hard to give my family that feeling of normalcy.

Reading TFIOS helped me in a strange way to see her side of the battle. Yes the diseases are different, but the fight was similar. I realized how hard it must have been for her to make it through an 18-hour day without taking a nap. Augustus’ belief system was much like my mom’s—always pushing forward believing in something even if she couldn’t always explain it to others. Despite dealing with a disease that was slowly killing her for over 20 years, my mother remained positive. My sister and I very rarely saw her get angry over her diagnosis.

As I grew older and began to understand what was happening to her, I, much like Hazel and Augustus’ parents began to hover over my mother. I worried over whether “today would be the day,” and made sure that I said everything I wanted to say to her while I still could. I was lucky because I tuned in early enough to be able to take care of my mother a little bit. Although I was 13 when she passed, I didn’t miss out on those important talks girls are supposed to have with their mothers. In a way her illness broke down those walls we build up around our parents and allowed me to get to know her on a more intimate level.

I am beyond grateful that you have written this book. It speaks to so many people in this situation—the patients, their families, and the people left in the aftermath. It has given a voice to the living and to the dying. It has made me feel closer to my mother than I have in several years, and for that I cannot truly express how I feel. All I can do is thank you, thank you for opening my mind and my heart to a battle that I’ve tried to shove to the back of my mind for a long time. Yes battles with Cancer and other terminal diseases are sad and hard to deal with and they cause a lot of pain to all of those involved. But sometimes pain deserves to be felt.

Sincerely,
Amy

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